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To go anywhere that I please

To go anywhere that I please

The door opened, and Ariciel came walking in, skin glistening with the exertion. She put her staff up against the wall, noticed Mareva’s totem on the floor, and laughed.

“You guys had two cups, and you need healing? Lightweights.”

Lee Brittner took an MRE out of her pack and ripped open its guts. She pushed her hand inside, and it came out holding the still-beating bag of coffee. “My head is fine. It’s mornings I have trouble with, not alien rotgut. Do they do hot water here?”

“Downstairs,” said Ariciel. “By the bucket. I’m taking a bath.”

For those of you who have wondered what I’ve been up to recently, here you go. Between long stories, I usually steal other people’s characters and use them for my own nefarious purposes. This one is a bit longer than usual, but then again the story that inspired this one weighs in at about 100.000 words. It’s called Rock Happy, it is written by my friend Arwen Lune and I warmly recommend it. Hey! Come back here! And comment dammit!

Thunderpetal part 16: The great gate of Stormwind

Part 16: The great gate of Stormwind

Thunderpetal and Huang were sitting in the flyer, doing their pre-flight checks.

Huang looked at the list. “Food?”

“Enough for fourteen days. Twice-baked cakes, packets of rice, fish cakes.”

“Drink?”

“Enough brew for seven days, water for nine.”

Huang nodded. “Let us hope it will not come to that.

The next-to-last chapter already. Luckily, we can see that Thunderpetal and Huang are taking this flight seriously. Meanwhile, the Steambenders are having a bit of a family meeting, and Raven is enjoying her new job in the Fourth Finger. Well, maybe not enjoying as such but…

Thunderpetal part 11: Promenade V

Part 11: Promenade V

Lenna picked up Aubrey and put her back in the basket. Just as she wanted to put on the blanket, she sniffed.

“Oh excellent. Both sides of childcare within five minutes. Trixie? Your chance to shine.”

Trixie looked up from her book. “I’m doing my homework.”

“This’ll be invaluable experience for when you get kids of your own,” said Lenna.

“Stuff that. I’m never letting another man get within a mile of me.”

Bieslook’s eyes grew large, “Not even Nix or Griggin?”

Trixie grumbled, not in any mood to explain, and bent back over her homework. How much phlogiston was there in ten grains of coal? She grabbed her BINAS, the reference book for biological and natural sciences, and flipped to the page. Her finger ran down the tables. She looked up to see Lenna watching her, with a very mother-like look on her face.

BINAS books should be very well known to the average Dutch student. It’s a reference book for Bology, Physics and Chemistry, or  BIologie NAtuurkunde en Scheikunde in Dutch. It contains such useful things as the periodic table of elements, the definitions of various constants such as Planck time and Planck length, and much more information, essential during your tests. It does not, I can say with certainty, contain a table of the amount of phlogiston in various substances, for the very good reason that phlogiston does not actually exist. Back in the time when Alchemy was state of the art, phlogiston was conjectured to be the substance that made things flammable. Wood or coal would obviously have a high phlogiston content, where water would hardly have any at all. As it turned out, Johann Joachim Becher was wrong. Science progresses over the corpses of disproven theories.

But it tickles me that an Azerothian BINAS book would list it.

Thunderpetal part 10: Samuel Goldenberg and Schmuyle

Part 10: Samuel Goldenberg and Schmuÿle

“Good grief, Schmuÿle, are we lost already?”

“That is possible, Sir. I always forget whether it was right at the second or third star, before flying on till the morning.”

“We have no time to fly on till the morning, Schmuÿle. Step on it.”

“Stepping on it, Sir.”

When things don’t go the way you want, it’s time to call in reinforcements. The Old Firm. Trusty helpers, who have seen you through many a tight spot in your life. If you can’t get them, then you can always call on Baron Goldenberg and Schmuÿle.

Thunderpetal part 5: Promenade III

Part 5: Promenade III

Trigger warning: Violence.

Those of you who have read “Steamy and hot” may remember Raven, the Human who tried to punt Nix in class. She is called Raven specifically because I sometimes pull my characters through a “Mary Sue litmus test“. This particular one contains the following questions:

Does the character have a name you really, really like?
[X] Is it Raven?
[ ] Is it a variation of Raven?
[ ] Is it Hunter?

So that’s why. Kind of a way of taking a five-point handicap. I never actually mention her last name anywhere, but guess what it is… go on. But anyway… The Pandas get ready to boogie!

“Alright ye sconsies, who here calls themselves a brewmaster?”

All round the open-air kitchen, Pandaren were chopping vegetables, stirring pots, and turning spits on which a variety of Elwynn Forest fauna was being roasted to perfection. Some of them were using large round frying pans that occasionally caught fire. At least half a dozen claws were raised into the air.

The Dwarf pointed behind him at four of his family carrying between them a barrel large enough to serve as a house.

“We brought ye a keg! Any of ye furballs care to sample?”

Also, a fair word of warning. Did you see that bit  about scenes that some may find disturbing? This chapter is it. If you are easily triggered by violence. exercise caution when reading.

Thunderpetal part 3: Promenade II

Part 3: Promenade II

“Release me,” said the Daemon. “And I will kill you quickly for your insolence. Disobey me, you miserable creature, and the suffering of a thousand lifetimes will be yours.”

It seems that Griggin is meddling with things better left unmeddled-with. Unless, of course, you know what you’re doing. Meanwhile, Thunderpetal is cooking for the Steambenders.

“Potatoes, Mother”, said Janice.

The Alison Bechdel test, for who didn’t know, is a way to judge gender bias in the Media – books, films, and also fanfic. It’s very simple. To pass the test, the story must:

  1. Contain at least two women
  2. Who talk to each other
  3. About something other than a man

An amazing number of films and books fail this test. Either there’s only one token female, and even if there are more, they don’t get any lines, being mostly bit-part players for sex scenes, “You Utter Bastard You Killed My” Girlfriends, or otherwise just there to make the hero more awesome. And it’s not exactly deep arcane magic to pass the Bechdel test. I don’t write specifically to pass the test, nor even to be particularly feminist. I just treat women as human beings and give them something meaningful to do and at some point, they’ll have something to say to each other.

Also, just passing is no guarantee that your story treats women with all due respect. That’s not what it is supposed to do. The title of this post passes the Bechdel test. It’s also no use getting too hung up in the exact rules, like requiring the women to have names, or not passing if they’re talking about childbirth. Trying to use it as a way of gauging feminist cred is like using a piece of litmus paper where clearly a gas chromatograph is called for. Still, I wanted to know how my stories are doing. So. Let’s see:

 

  • The Tale of Bannog and Ariciel“. Easy pass. Ariciel and Mareva spend some time together, talking to each other about all kind of things. Interalia and Ariciel talk on the subject of “Let’s get out of here”.
  • The second tale of Bannog and Ariciel“. Pass. There’s several occasions where women are chatting about, oh, music, sleeping arrangements, Orc sieges, and whatnot.
  • Selena and the Wolf“. Pass. The two main protagonists are women on their way to becoming hunters, and you can’t do that by talking about men all the time.
  • The Strange Last Days Of The Good Ship Exodar“. Pass. Among other things, Mareva and Oraya go to a concert together, discuss their social clubs. Mind you, Mareva’s club is into competitive sexing… Mareva and Old Mhaari talk about her heater wot is on the blink.
  • The Druid, the Shaman and the Mage“. Laughs in the face of the Bechdel test. Three female protagonists, and more female supporting characters than you can shake a stick at.
  • Steamy and Hot“. Pass. Trixie, Dora, Lenna, Beatrice, Bieslook, all have plenty to discuss with each other.
  • Thunderpetal“. Passes. In chapter two, Lenna and Trixie talk about… Hmm. Childbirth. But trust me, it’ll pass soon.

So all my long stories pass. Of my shorties, the “Peasants” ones fail, because it’s basically an Orc peon and a Human peasant whingeing about their work. That just doesn’t work with women. The Hira Snowdawn one fails because it’s a monologue. Of a woman, but still just one. The “paranormal phenomenon” one fails, because there’s only one woman. I’m not gender-flipping James Randi or Bannog just to pass a test.

Now this does not mean I’m overly gentle with my girls: Ariciel gets beaten up by ogres, attacked by a warlock, and generally suffers at the hands of her enemies. That’s her job, okay? She’s a bear tank. She can take it ’cause she’s awesome. Mareva gets shot and stabbed in the back. Ellandriel gets a throwing knife in her arm, her arm broken by a blood-elf and beaten up by a Sentinel for being a Night-elf mage. Selena gets off lightly: she only gets knocked unconscious once and almost gets killed by a bunch of Undead. And fed snails by Night-elves. Raven… well, just wait and see. I make no apologies. I’m equally rough with my boys. This is, after all, the World of Warcraft, not the World of Lovecraft. I write about them having fun as well. Happy sexy fun, playing games, listening to music, eating nice food… so it balances out.

So on the whole, I’m pretty much happy with the women in my stories. They’re amazingly fun to write. Bad shit happens to them, but you need a sadistic streak as a writer so you can show what your characters are made of. There’s only one thing I’ll never do to any of my characters, male or female. Like Seanan Macguire, I have never written, nor will I ever write, rape scenes. I had no intention ever of writing those, and I just thought I’d mention it. None of my characters, male or female, friend or foe, will ever be raped.

But that’s a subject for another post, I think.

Thunderpetal Part 2: Gnomus

Part 2: Gnomus

“Lenna?” said the young girl. Her tone was thoughtful, which usually meant a seemingly simple question was under way.

“Yes?”

“When is Spud going to come out?”

“We don’t know for sure, dear,” said Lenna. “Maybe a week, maybe two.”

“And then can I play with her?”

“Or him,” said Griggin. “We don’t know if Spud is a boy or a girl.”

“Why not?”

“Because we can’t look inside Interalia’s tummy,” said Lenna.

“Why is Spud inside Interalia’s tummy?”

The warrior girl, named Trixie, took a little jump to hoist Bieslook higher up her back. “We talked about the Special Cuddle, didn’t we?”

“Trixie…” said Lenna.

For those of you who’ve read Selena and the Wolf, and are wondering how Interalia is doing: She’s fine, given the circumstances. Yes, it’s the Steambenders and they’re still going strong. Here, the youngest member of the family is being given a few life lessons.

Thunderpetal part 1: Promenade

Part 1: Promenade

“The Chiu-man knew we were coming,” said Aysa, stepping forward. She walked up to the man and bowed to him. “I am Aysa Cloudsinger,” she said.The Chiu-man nodded at her, then spoke slowly and loudly in his own language. Aysa gave him a wavering smile and put up her hands.

Bo-tu“, said the man. “HiuKo-muBo-tu, Va-Lian.” He gestured towards the small rowing boat he had arrived in.

One of the other monks drew up to her. “I believe he wishes you to come with him, Teacher.”

The Pandas have arrived in Stormwind! And of course, it is a good thing that EVERY FOREIGNER WILL UNDERSTAND YOU IF YOU SPEAK SLOWLY AND LOUDLY. How would we ever get anywhere otherwise?

Internet Cookie for anyone who can guess what the title of the next chapter will be.

Oh, the disappointment!

To the Internetizen who clicked on the Google link to “Selena and the wolf”, hoping to find perverted stories of Miss Gomez being savaged by a lupine…

Sorry!

(Just in case you’re wondering, as I know you all must be… Selena was named that roughly in 2008, before the whole kerfuffle with the Ex-Barney star and the pop phenomenon).